watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
