I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
