All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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