I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
