im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
