Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
