8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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