If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
