I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
