I got chris browned last night
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
