i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
