I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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