final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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