I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
