yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
this boner is exhausting
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
