You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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