i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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