I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
