I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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