He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
