Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
