I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
