this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
