I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
