Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
is that a dick in a sweater?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
