I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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