You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
