I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
