I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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