Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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