i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
