I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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