I never want to see another naked old woman again.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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