he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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