Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
