I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
