Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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