My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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