i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
