We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
