I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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