thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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