i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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