They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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