Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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