If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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