lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
