We won't sleep together?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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