My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
