i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
