Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
