no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
