I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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