giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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