apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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