I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
