I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
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She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
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Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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