i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
