people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
