I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
