you have to choose: penises or morals?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
