She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
