he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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