What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
