If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
