if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
