does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
