I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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