just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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