This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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