He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
